Today's cover story in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin is just one more reason why I homeschool my kids: (emphasis mine)
A pink tube top hugged her chest and her white corduroy pants were turned down at the hips, baring 14-year-old Kailani Gracie's tanned shoulders and several inches of midriff.This article is discouraging on many levels, not the least of which is the cluelessness of parents and school administrators. If you click on the link to the article, you'll see a picture of the girl quoted above in her school "attire". Her mother bought her those clothes. What was she thinking? And it's not just her mother. I see girls like Kailani all over the place here. Really, what are parents thinking? What messages are they sending to their daughters? Where are the fathers? I can't fathom my father ever letting me out of the house looking like these girls. He wanted better for me than that.
The Kaiser High freshman has been hauled in to the school office and even given detention for violating the school's dress code, but it doesn't faze her.
"We go to school for our education, not for them to tell us what to wear," she said recently at the bus stop after school. "This is how I like to dress. My mom is the one who buys me these clothes. She knows I'm old enough to make my own decisions."
The schools are attempting to address the problem with dress codes and/or uniforms. I'm a big fan of uniforms, but not surprisingly, the students are not:
Uniforms are generally a tougher sell at the high school level. Teenagers, in the throes of defining their identities, consider it their right to express themselves through clothing -- and some of their parents back them up. Along with Nanakuli, three public high schools have tried mandating school shirts. Compliance is best at Campbell in Ewa Beach. Waianae has had mixed results. Waiakea High in Hilo abandoned uniforms after a few years of struggle.Note "some of their parents back them up". Gone are the days when parents backed the schools up.
Even the elite schools like Punahou aren't immune from dress code problems:
Punahou has tried that tack, with little success. The school made a concerted effort to enforce its dress code two years ago, holding assemblies, counseling students, calling parents, even sending students home, according to Marguerite Ashford, freshman academy dean.They "couldn't make the dress code stick". That's code for "we wimped out and caved under the pressure". And my suspicion is that, once again, the parents sided with the inappropriately-attired children instead of with the rules.
"We neglected our other work to focus on this one issue," she said. "Girls took F's in citizenship because of repeated dress-code violations. Our efforts were exhausting. They damaged relations with students and families. ... We couldn't make the dress code stick."
The writer speculates:
Many parents believe that the way teenagers dress should be left up to the family. Making students dress alike, some say, teaches them to follow the crowd rather than think for themselves."Some" really don't get how kids think. Those scantily-clad kids ARE following the crowd! They're dressing in the way 'everyone' else is...the age-old teenage problem! Giving kids an enforced, clear dress code or a uniform isn't going to teach them to follow the crowd. They've already got that lesson down cold.
What bothers me about the situation isn't so much the teenagers acting like teenagers -- it's the fact that the adults aren't acting like adults. What these kids need are some standards and some grown-ups with the spine to hold them to those standards. And they need parents who aren't trying to be their friends.
Kailani says her mom knows she's old enough to make her own decisions. I say that a two year old is old enough to make decisions. Making good decisions is another matter altogether. Kids need guidance in making good decisions. Let's raise the bar and teach our kids about modesty, discretion, responsibility, and consequences. It's hard work, but well worth it.
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